Thursday, October 25, 2012

RESUME BLUNDERS! (Part - II)


         In accordance with my promise that I will continue to collect more artefacts (pls refer my earlier blog @ http://vaishalipargaonkar.blogspot.in/2012/04/resume-blunders.htmlONLY FOR THE SAKE OF HUMOUR! ... here is the 2nd set of Resume Blunders for you.

          Hope you have a hearty laugh. Have cited my comments (VP) for each …. Enjoy!

1) Objective: 

My first intention is to use my knowledge to understand my work. As a result of this my work will become easier and I will understand the strength of my knowledge. It may be beneficial for all and I would get the fruitful results.

VP: A flowchart representation of intentions and abilities ... 


2) Summary : 

I myself  xxxx  have qualified CA Exam. with in three years both groups in one sitting. 

VP:  What an achievement to boast of! I'm sure my CA friends do comprehend this.


3) Candidate Text Resume : I don\'t wish to disclose now.

VP: Resume of a secret agent ... I guess!


4) Others:   

I am very passionate about my physical and mental fitness. I do Gym every morning for workout of 60 minutes and also listen to classical music for urban stress busting.

VP: Now this can really get me a good job .....  hmmm! Any takers?


5)  I MR xxxxx HAVING xx YRS EXPERIANCE IN CIVIL WORKS WOULD LIKE TO APPLY FOR THE ABOVE SAID POST IF GIVEN CHANCE TO WORK IN YOUR ESTEEMEED ORGANISATION WILL WORK WITH FULL LOYALTY TOWARDS THE ORGANISATION ALL GIVEN INFORMATION ARE TRUE MY KNOWLEDGE FOR YOUR KIND APPROVAL FOR THE SAME

VP: Breathless! This gentleman does not believe in punctuation. 


6) Current Designation: Additional General Manager – Projects

VP: 'Additional' ... ??!!  I would never want to be an 'additional' whoever. 


7) MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING ELSE YOU READ IN THIS RESUME IS THE FACT THAT I CAN GET THINGS DONE. I CAN MAKE THINGS HAPPEN.

VP: Resume of Rajnikant ... yenna rascala !!


8) Career objective : 

With my knowledge and good communication skill I assume my self in a position in an organization where I can contribute towards the development of organization as well as hones in all my assignment. 

VP: No comments... just laugh :)


9)  OBJECTIVE :  

TO JOIN A HOTEL AND GROW  WITH IT.

VP: Please apply at infancy stage of your life!



10) OBJECTIVE 

To provide the best service wherein being continuously, as a part of a team that dynamically works towards growth of the organization and to achieve excellence there of.

VP: Yes... finally we have a Shakespeare in the making..!



And like always... I have saved the best for the last .... 

11) I have been able to consummate advanced techniques with self initiative ability to work effectively to lead the team effort to its achievements.

VP: Yeah ...  I know its dirty thinking... hahaha!


              Hope you guys enjoyed reading this. And as promised, I will keep up the good work of collecting such artifacts. If you have come across any creative work, please feel free to share …. 

ONLY FOR THE SAKE OF HUMOUR! 

                Hey and do not forget to mention which one you liked the best!



- VAISHALI PARGAONKAR


Monday, April 23, 2012

RESUME BLUNDERS! (Part - I)


Resumes flow in and out of my hands characteristically, being in the HR profession. I come across some innocent, sincere lines mentioned by candidates many a times, which convey a different meaning altogether than what is intended.

Here are a few such examples. Have inserted my comments (VP) for each…. Enjoy!

Disclaimer:  Please note that this article is posted Just for Fun, and has no intention to hurt, ridicule or insult any person in particular whatsoever.

  1. Please see last Left for Educational Summary
VP: Seems like some direction for a Map!


  1. Designation: sales exicativew
VP: Tried real hard to get it right!


  1. Job Profile:-
Independently looking after Vice President of project ………
VP: May be he is applying for a nurse’s job!


  1. ACHIVMENTS successfully construcated the residentian, commercial.molles. scheme "shravan apparment from shihagad road & vagholi from row housses & raje contruction,cumarsial bilding(8 floor)&ambegone
VP: Read the sentence without taking a breath! Hoooosssshhh!   


  1. I possess the ability to relate a wide range of people and capable of achieving personal goals and objectives performing with my professional carrier till date.
VP: Achieving personal goals with ‘professional carrier’? …. Hmmm!


  1. Having good respect in Organization with family status.
VP: I still dint get this! If anyone of you gets it, please post a comment to explain!

  1. OTHER SKILLS :                  INDIAN DRIVING LICESES.
VP: Obtaining an ‘Indian’ driving licence…. Does it require any skill? I doubt if it even requires driving skills for that matter.


  1. Saved company money by taking on several job responsibilities.
VP: Now that’s a real achievement!


  1. Marital Status-Married
Hobbies-Body Building


VP: hahahahaha! No comments!


  1. Note-Now I’am free for my new Corse I.T.I Serveior Exmanation as a Temperary leave from- -company.
              VP: Thanks for the info. I shall remember!

11.    Industry Type             : Real Estate
Product                       : Multi Storage Apartments’.
VP: Storage for humans!

  1. HOBBIES           : - TOURRING AT OUT SIDE.
VP: Does anyone have a hobby of Tourring at In Side too?


13.   Willingness to learn, keep passions & cool in nature, believes in hardworking as well as smart work.

VP: Keeping passions is a valuable trait really!


  1. PROJECT WARK DONE:- Panting work & Advantage & Disadvantage of panting
VP: Hahahahaha! You corrupt minds. He is talking about ‘Painting’! How a missing ‘i’ can bring laughter to our innocent souls!

  1. SEMINAR:- All type of vibrater use in construction
VP: Again, No comments! What are you thinking?

  1. EXTRA CURRICULAR:- Social Work
Hospitality of pilgrims every year

VP: I always thought extracurricular meant sports, reading, dancing, cooking etc.!

  1. JOB RESPOUNCEBILITY:
VP: Quite a pouncing one that is!


  1. About Myself
I AM WORKERS AND SINCERE IN MAY JOB HAVING GOOD QUALITIES OF ESTABLISHING AND MAINTAINING RELATIONSHIP WITH PEOPLE HONESTY INTEGRITY FAITHFULLNESS AND JOYALLY ARE MY STRENGTHS I ALWAYS ENJOY TO ACCEPT NEW CHALLENGES IN LIFE.

VP: In Marathi they say 'Bhavana pohochlya', means 'got the point'.


19.   Summary:Plz dont look after my Profil. I m Fresher in this field.I m office Admin in XXXX  pvt ltd. From 2years

VP: No one dares to see his profile, got it!?


  1. CAREER OBJECTIVE
To, pull the best from within to rice to the occasion, only to leave the marks where I work.

VP: Seems like an application for a farmer!


  1. STRENGTH:
Able to work for longer period without any mental and physical strain.

VP: Superman!


Now, these 2 have been received as emails:
22.  Respected Mam,               
        As per your contacts to me, you have called me for interview today. But, today at 1:30 pm. our companie's C.M.D are coming our site for visiting propram. So, there some meetings are achived among us. So, I'm sorry for this situation!  I will come soon with my c.v. in office for iterview!                  Thanking you!               
        'GOOD DAY'!!

VP: Though, I truly appreciate that he bothered to inform in advance!


  1.  feb-11 & mar-11 not open excel sheet pls this convert be excel-2003. apr-11 to jun-11 salary sheet open only two month not open salary sheet.pls send repeat
VP: My job is at stake! I wonder what I’m supposed to do here!


Hope you guys enjoyed reading this. I will keep up the good work of collecting such artifacts. If you have come across any creative work, please feel free to share …. 

ONLY FOR THE SAKE OF HUMOUR! J

Hey and do not forget to mention which one you liked the best!


P.S.: Fun continued... blog posted on Thursday, October 25, 2012


- VAISHALI PARGAONKAR

More Fun @ 1)  Funny Stupid things people write in a resume
                       2)  150 Funniest Resume Mistakes, Bloopers and Blunders Ever

4 comments:

  1. LOL...yeh sab padh ke mujhe apne common friend ki yaad aayi..he is still not in contact with me..
    ReplyDelete
  2. LOL... which version of excel does u use ....
    ReplyDelete
  3. My personal favourites:
    1) Marital Status-Married
    Hobbies-Body Building

    2)PROJECT WARK DONE:- Panting work & Advantage & Disadvantage of panting

    3)feb-11 & mar-11 not open excel sheet pls this convert be excel-2003. apr-11 to jun-11 salary sheet open only two month not open salary sheet.pls send repeat
    ReplyDelete

    Replies


    1. TOURRING AT OUT SIDE. hahahha.... lets go to toor at in side ulsoh...
      Delete


Friday, March 9, 2012

Performance Appraisal of the Performance Appraisal System


         March end is nearing and its time for Appraisals. All eyes are focussed on the one most important thing ‘Appraisals’ and ‘Increments’. To an HR professional, these two words have distinguished definitions. But, to a layman Appraisals mean Increments and Increments mean Appraisals.

For all those who still think they mean the same, here’s the dictionary meaning for both:

  • Appraisal - an assessment or estimation of the worth, value, or quality of a person or thing

  • Increment - The process of increasing in number, size, quantity, or extent.

These two terms are related, but not the same. However, in a typically traditionally managed, family owned business, there may be not be much of a practical difference between the two, but in larger organisations Appraisals and Increments have a larger system in place called the Performance Management System.


          There is much ado about effective Performance Management Systems (PMS) and a lot many theories have been conceptualised for building a robust PMS. The most popular amongst these are the 360 degrees, 180 degrees, Management by Objectives (MBO), Ratings Scale methods.


Organisations invest a great deal of money, time and efforts in formulating a PMS system that suits their organisational needs, culture and business plans. The effectiveness of any PMS depends on many factors from Goal Setting Process to the Evaluation Methodology and the Feedback Mechanism, but the major factor that influences the success of an organisation’s PMS is the ‘buy-in’ from the top management.

When you talk of Appraisals, employees imagine a herculean task coming forward i.e. of filling up pages and booklets of information. Amidst targets and deadlines, employees struggle to manage recollecting and providing information not only about their own performance, but also for their colleagues as in the 360 degree approach. What do companies do with all this download of information? Are the companies effectively utilising the data generated for the benefit of the employees and the organisation? Do companies review the Performance Appraisal Systems viz-a-viz the results it generates?


         In a webinar on "Designing an Effective Performance Management System" hosted by SHRM India; the speaker Aniruddha Limaye, an Independent Consultant, pointed out indicators that we need to be sniffing for, to understand when to start instituting a new PMS or get rid of the existing one altogether. According to his theory, the key indicators that we need to look at are:

Employee related issuesunfavourable feedback from employees on PMS, increase in employee attrition linked to appraisal cycle

Performance related issueslow ownership by line managers that requires tremendous follow up by HR, lack of team work / turf mentality, organisation struggling to achieve goals, difficulty in implementing any new decisions /changes / initiatives


         In most companies, Performance Assessment becomes just an HR or Admin process. HR does play a role in setting up of the process, coordinating the execution, and for normalisation. But Forced Ranking, Bell Curve Method, Jack Welch’s 20-70-10 principle come into picture as regularisation methods, which might prove to be de-motivating for many employees. “By implementing a forced ranking procedure, organizations guarantee that managers will differentiate talent”, says Dick Grote in his book ‘Forced Ranking: Making Performance Management Work’. Does forced Ranking mean appraisal of the manager’s ability to appraise his subordinates?

If PMS does not have the status of a ‘Business Process’ the organisation should think of scrapping it rather than redesigning it. PMS is not an HR process, but should come as a buy-in from the top management. Without an objective Goal-Setting process and a strong & positive Feedback Mechanism, performance cannot be reinforced. Hence, if an organisation’s PMS lacks these two important requisites, it is always advisable to scrap it rather than having a negative impact on employee’s expectations from the system.

        As quoted by Limaye, “You need to catch someone doing something right and then reinforce it!”

       When in spite of incessant initiatives of reviving the Appraisal System, there is still demand / need for change, performance appraisal systems could be eliminated with no harm done. No Performance Assessment System will work until the organisation is completely ready for the change it desires to bring in with the system.

          All in all, performance review is a daily activity, and not an annual ritual led by the HR delegates.

- VAISHALI PARGAONKAR




Thursday, March 1, 2012

Be and It Is! Cracking the FACEBOOK Code!


Kun Faaya Kun in Urdu means "Be," and “it is”!!
It means – “To have anything done, we simply say to it, "Be," and “it is”!!
Jab kahin pe kuch nahi bhi nahi tha, wohi tha wohi tha
Woh jo mujh mein samaaya, woh jo tujh mein samaaya, Maula wohi wohi maaya
In this recent composition by A. R. Rehman, he talks about God, but here I’m talking about FACEBOOK! Nowadays to have anything done or not done, we simply ‘Facebook it!’
“FACEBOOK”…..the word has become synonymous with ‘Life’.
You tell a friend that you have complete access to Facebook in office, he will make you realise how lucky you are and how his company is depriving him of his basic rights.

There are different types of personalities on Facebook. For some the day doesn’t start and end without Facebook. And with smart phones today, the world is at our fingertips, and so is Facebook.
Some people are addicted to Facebook. They need to check Facebook first thing in the morning, and also the last ‘one-more time’ before going to bed. If you feel the urge to check your FB page every 5 mins, in spite of knowing that there would be nothing new, then YES!! You are an FB addict!
Before this $120 billion worth creation of Mark Zuckerberg came into being, the first thing anyone did after logging on to the office computer, was to open the Inbox to check new mails received. And work would flow gradually. Now, 1st thing that people do is log on to Facebook to ‘keep in touch’ with other’s lives. “God! Please may I have atleast one notification, 1 friend request, I have posted such a nice update yesterday, please please please!” And if you see no red numbers on the notification bar, you face severe dejection and feel that the day has not started well today. ‘Red’ is no longer a colour for danger!! And then you make a resolution, “Today, my status will earn me as many likes and comments as possible”.

Some people are not so tech-savvy otherwise, especially those in their mid-40 and 50’s who have been introduced to this novel concept of ‘keeping in touch’ by their children or other acquaintances of young age. (Well I don’t mean to say that everyone in their 40’s and 50’s are not well-versed with technology, but here I intend to mention the not-so tech-savvy crowd amongst them). So, these are the people who make it a point to log on to the site daily, and make their presence (tech-savvy ness) felt by liking & commenting on every possible update on earth (read FB). Using newly acquired face-booking jargons like ‘lol’, ‘rofl’, ‘bro’, ‘superlikes’, ‘nice pic’, etc. becomes a way of life. Sharing pictures and videos becomes a binding affair. And not to forget the mannerisms that FB promotes – there are people who say ‘thanks’ on every ‘comment’ and ‘like’ they have grossed. 
And thanks to Facebook, now we all remember our friends’ birthdays and also send them good wishes on their ‘wall’, the ‘Great Wall of Fame’!
So is Facebooking a science or an art? Have not arrived at this conclusion yet, but I have figured out that there are 3 main imperative acts you need to do in order to ‘be there’ (make your presence felt) on Facebook.
(1) To update your own status. Be creative here because it is directly proportionate with the amount of likes and comments you will earn. (After all, that’s why you are here) ‘Out-of-the-box’ thinking is what you require.
(2) Like or comment on others status / pictures. If you can’t be creative here, just say ‘nice’, ‘lol’, ‘hahaha’, ‘true’, ‘well said’, ‘agree’ etc… (After all, your friend is going to pray for your good health and prosperity for giving him the recognition, (read notification)).
(3) Share and comment on pictures / videos (shared by 90% of people in your ‘Friend list’ already? So what!)
Some people are very passive on FB. They are there, but always invisible. They are like our parents, who are silent spectators to each and every move that you make. These people never post a comment / status, but are updated with all that is happening in their friend’s lives. May be they fear sharing about their lives to the ‘public’. Mind you, this ‘public’ are the same people who they have added to their own ‘Friend List’!
Leaving aside people on Facebook, and coming to other aspects. Any website, advertisement (television & print media) we see, contain Facebook and Twitter icons at some corner of the page, providing links to these sites. It has become such an integral part of branding and promotion. The ‘Facebook Timeline brand pages’ prove to be an effective tool in conveying identities of organisations. It gives added fun and engagement to the one-on-one branding and customer service experience.
It is no longer only a social networking site. We have various forums and ‘pages’ by professional bodies and forums where people discuss topics related to business and strategies. It is used as a hiring tool to attract talent, promote for seminars and chats, invite for private parties and functions etc.  Not only business, but it also has importance in creating political and social awareness, driving campaigns and such.
Facebook has definitely brought the world closer. Long lost friends, childhood memories, relatives and acquaintances, this networking site does not know disparities of time, distance, & boundaries.
So, what was life before Facebook? I think hard while I question myself because, yes! I don’t remember how I kept in touch with so many friends (well, I dint know I had 434 friends and more to come until Facebook happened).

YES! We feel the need to Face-book our life’s small and big events, we need to Face-book where we had dinner last night (with a picture if possible), we need to have an opinion and express it too on Face-book. We just need to Facebook!
It goes without saying that the link to this blog shall be posted on Facebook the first thing after completion (there is an FB icon down there provided by this blog site too), and I shall be waiting for your likes and comments on the same.
HAPPY FACEBOOKING J


- VAISHALI PARGAONKAR


Friday, August 19, 2011

Corporate India v / s India Against Corruption

Do you think Corporate India should take a step forward to fight against corruption and declare a Days Off to enable the employees to support the movement?  This question was posed by an HR Forum on Facebook, which earned 108 likes and 61 comments from HR and non-HR professionals.

The same morning, I had similar questions in mind as to whether corporate should participate in this revolutionary stance taken by our iconic leader Anna Hazare. I have been following this story since Anna Hazare’s fast a few months ago, when I learnt about what Jan Lokpal Bill is all about. Keeping in mind what the bill will do to our warped system, and that activists like Kiran Bedi, Arun Kejriwal and the rest are supporting Anna, I too started having faith in this movement. Moreover Anna’s aura gives feel-good vibes as contrast to Baba Ramdev who (supposedly) fasted for the same cause.

Coming back to the question, of what role can Corporates play & whether this should be taken up as an Act of CSR.; being an HR professional, my arguments run from philosophy to policy. Gathering from what my FB friends who commented on the question, majority of the 61 people who spared time to pen down a word or two, have agreed with a ‘BIG YES’ and feel that Corporates should declare atleast 1 day off so that employees can support this anti-corruption movement. Well, I too am stung with these pests infecting all of India with scams, and hence primarily I too concur with Anna Hazares movement.

I strongly believe that the philosophy of management here is of utmost importance. Anna says that everyone needs to sacrifice their bit...only then we can bring an end to corruption. But people always think that the rest are anyways sacrificing... so what difference does it make if I don’t. This attitude itself has led us to this day, when we are seeing another ‘Freedom Struggle’ after independence today.

Not many companies will come forward and declare even 1 day off and incur loss in business due to same. Forget at least supporting the cause, if not actually bringing an end to corruption (Not to forget most of our big corporate leaders have played some or the other role in giving oil to fire). In the recent past, corporates had given days off for Semi-Final and Final matches of the 2011 World Cup. I don’t know whether I should say that it’s a shame why corporates are not coming forward today when India really needs its people.

On the other hand, I will not only blame the corporates for not showing any interest. Even for employees (you and me), will only updating Facebook and Twitter statuses and joining online forums actually help? Yes, it will definitely spread the awareness, but even if we assume that corporates declare a day off, how many people will actually get down on the roads and join the rally? Employees can take leaves for watching World Cup matches, but given a day to join the protest, are people really interested? And so instead people in the HR forum suggested that organizations can dedicate 30 minutes of the entire day regularly for the cause, a common meet of all employees across the country can be called for and such. One friend even suggested ‘pens and tools down’ instead of a holiday. As pointed by a colleague from the forum, who knows a days off means good time at a Cinema hall for somebody.

Well, after a debate like this… yes it is duty of the corporates to pay attention to such issues and contribute in every small way they can. Only providing donations and setting up NGO’s is not enough, corporates must also pay heed to internal corruption issues and setting up a system that will prevent corruption in the first place rather than inspecting and punishing for the same. However, why wait for your company to come forward? We have examples of students and office-goers who have taken a week’s off and are participating in the movement. So why wait until someone else starts? Why not just go ahead and let others follow? We can participate and still keep the business moving. Afterall, every corporate is part of Indian economy, and we must keep the spirit going….

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Good Performance v/s Bad Behaviour

"Congrats! Mr. A, you have been promoted to a Manager!"

Mr. A has 12 years of work experience and is known as a devoted and hard working individual. A performer at his work, Mr. A has many achievements to his credit and has progressed from an execution role to a managerial role.

Performing as an individual is very different than performing in a team. And especially when you are leading & managing a team, a person requires different set of skills and competencies. A person may be good at executing activities on his own, but getting work done from people might not come so easy.

Going back to Mr. A, he has been awarded as the "Best Performer of the Year", has been appreciated enough in his appraisals and is the apple of the eye of the top management. Mr. A follows certain rules of a manager that most at his level do. He believes in empowering his team, but at the same time follows a ‘school-teacher with a stick in hand’ approach. His leadership style can be categorized as directive and traditional.

So are his subordinates convinced with his style of management?

Mr. A is resolute on getting results from his team. Hence smallest of errors made by the subordinate become a big issue to be dealt with. He wants his team to be as perfect in work as he is. After all, his performance will not shine if the subordinates don't obtain the desired results. Being impulsive and very straight forward, like Mr. A appreciates good work of his subordinates promptly, he also sometimes loses his cool over his subordinates mistakes and yells at them without realizing that everybody else is also listening. Instead of taking the latter to a secluded place for counseling, he loses patience and unintentionaly creates an embarrassing situation for the subordinate. And this does not end in a minute or a two, but becomes a 10-15 minute ordeal for the subordinate.

Mr. A sometimes doesn’t even care to make sure whether the error is actually done, and passes a judgmental statement at the subordinate, who ends up justifying for an offence never committed. He also gets a bit personal, so much so, that Mr. A actually forgets the mistake in question and sounds like a spouse taunting the other for all the flaws he has figured out in his entire lifetime.

Well, the result of the same turns out to be expected -- subordinates body language in front of other colleagues changes for the rest of the day, he/she feels highly embarrassed and de-motivated, sometimes even sheds a tear or a two when the going gets tough. And often you see this subordinate smiling his way to glory, relaxed and all enthusiastic when Mr. A is not around. He seems to be more productive when the bullying boss is not in vicinity.

Now let’s see what is Mr. A's behaviour with the rest of the colleagues. Mr. A shares a good rapport with his colleagues being extrovert by nature, and is respected by all for his work, helpful and friendly nature. However, he is famous for being cynical and sarcastic and spreads this kind of culture amongst all. After all, you give back what you get, especially when it is comments that you do not enjoy listening to. Mr. A sounds tyrannical at times, is rude and tries to shield his sarcasm with humour, but obviously does not succeed at all times. The outcome of his nasty, teasing and hurtful jokes results in employees hitting on each other for every small thing. Many instances have ended up in conflicting situations when some employee on that day chooses to not ignore the hurtful remarks but take necessary action and revolt against such behavior. The workplace then becomes like a warfront where the ammunition most used are devastating words.

So, I keep wondering about this Good Performance v/s Bad Behaviour. Definitely, Mr. A is a bully at the workplace, but he also is a good performer. Active bullying is manifested through clear evidences, but passive bullying where the person does not actually seem like a tormenter but acts like a slow poison, is difficult to deal with. You cannot even ignore it and you can’t even complain about it.

So what is the plight of the subordinate???

• The verbal and emotional abuse results in loss of productivity
• Increase in level of absenteeism
• Emotional stress to deal with
• Lack of team-work
• Reduced efficiency and increased errors due to fear

What results in such bullying behavior by the boss?

• Aggression and passion to perform
• Personal nature and temperament
• Impulsiveness / lack of tolerance power
• Newly acquired managerial responsibilities and the resulting pressure to perform
• Lack of communication skills
• Lack of leadership and team handling skills

According to a study by the Employment Law Alliance in 2008, almost half of all employees have been targeted by a bully boss. The study also revealed the following:
• 81 percent of bullies are managers.
• 50 percent of bullies are women and 50 percent are men.
• 84 percent of targets are women.
• 82 percent of targets ultimately lost their job.
• 95 percent of bullying is witnessed.

MY QUESTION:

1. As an HR what should be done to curtail such behavior to protect the victim as well as improve the culture of the organization?

2. If the bullying boss is a performer and contributor, should such behavior (keeping in mind that the boss is not a crude or raging bully, but subtle bully) be ignored? If not, what strategy needs to be used to counsel the boss, such that he does not get demotivated but at the same time takes corrective action for his conduct?

- VAISHALI PARGAONKAR

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